I always think of good as something pleasurable, beneficial in some way, tasty, delightful. I had never thought of it that in Romans 8:28, “and we know that in all things, God works for the G.O.O.D of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” that the good there is a nasty trial, a hardship, ruined plans, hurt feelings, and removal to help us become like Jesus. Now that is GOOD! I want the dirty places of my heart cleared out, I want the sin in my life to be exposed to become like Christ and although it doesn’t feel good it IS! Wow!
Home has been OH SO GREAT! It is so good to be back. I was able to play with my kiddos the night after I got back. It was so good to cuddle, giggle, hug, and play, with them. They were extra cuddly making sure Neena was really there. They were SOOOO good for me too! I sung, prayed, and read to them, and then tuck them in with a kiss goodnight. The next morning Harrison asked for me and according to his mother he was pretty disappointed when his father came to the room J I missed them so much. Here are some pictures of our time together:
I was greeted to a warm sight of a house decked with Christmas lights all around, a tree in the living room with lights on it, notes ALL over my room (mirror, whiteboard, door), flowers on my bed, flowers from my sister as well when she picked me up, notes on the counter, and relief. It was so great to see my parents when they arrived home from pageant and it was so great to have my sister pick me up from the airport and be able to eat at Panda Express and just talk. Family Christmas was wonderful to see my cousins and everyone else and just to be in my loving Cowan family’s arms again. “Our gain is Southern California’s loss” –Uncle Dan. Wow, I have an amazing family, those of you who don’t know them, I sure wish I could introduce you to them. They are GREAT!
Now that was good! The test was when I was sick. I couldn’t eat for three days, I was bent over a toilet, the couch was my home for three days straight and my first week home then flew by. It was miserable! I left for California four months ago just getting my strength back from this bug and I come home and start it again. Thank the Lord I was home though. I was upset to be home stuck laying down when my family was working around me. I lost time doing my Christmas shopping (none got done to let you know), I lost a day with my kids. As I laid there the lies of Satan started flooding my head, those I had often heard in the walls of my head growing up. “You are not good enough” “You don’t act like you love God” “You are a fake” “That’s right, drown in yourself and how others put you down” I really struggled. I wasn’t expecting those thoughts to come back after such a good semester at college and looking forward to coming home. Satan likes to find any weakness and in this time he knows that I have more time to think and dwell. I am not saying that these are all lies in a Christian sense because I cannot earn my salvation but more in a relationship with others. I hate feeling dirty and I need to fight these feelings and learn how to deal with them and leave the past in the past. Why is that so hard to do? We are always safe in the arms of Christ! That means something new as well.
I know it might be weird for some of you to long for a hug from a certain person but I tell you what, I longed from a hug from my father the last few weeks at school! It feels so good to be in his embrace again, to feel secure, safe. That is how it is with Christ. Run to Him, don’t take His hugs and blessings for granted. He wants those hugs and misses them when we don’t come to him. Well, this blog is ending up to be long and so I am going to wrap it up and write my blessings later. I hope this finds you all doing well. I miss those of you I know from Master’s but know that we will see each other soon. I love the phone calls and messages and would love to hear how you are doing!
Reach into your Fathers Arms!
~Loved
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