Changes

The beginning of this year was so hard. I was struggling with my emotions and wanting to be here. I heard the freshman on my wing screaming throughout the halls with excitement and I wanted that excitement back and I didn't know why it was gone. Friendships were different and confusing and I just felt out of place. My roommate had similar feelings so it was helpful to be able to talk it out with her. She constantly blesses me over and over again as she puts up with my insecurities, my craziness. Kristi was so good to come get me off campus once a week to spend time with her and she was seriously a breath of fresh air that made me feel better about going back on campus.


Things have changed and I am doing a lot better about being here. I have been trying to soak it all up as much as I can, take in the feeling, the free feeling of being a college student, being able to have the windows open with the California sun above us listening to fun music in the car with good Christian friends talking around me, go karting for the first time, walking down the pathways to go to class, worshiping with a thousand other believers with our voices blending as they are sent up to the Father, meaningful words. I will miss this place! It will be hard but this semester with everything going on the Lord has helped prepare my heart to be more willing to let it go. Unless a miracle happens I am not coming back to TMC next year so that has put a totally different spin on things. I knew it was iffy anyways but then some things happened but I know the Lord has been preparing me for it. For the past couple of years my parents have told me that i need to be content with the idea of having to go else where but I did not want to hear it and I was so adamant against it. I knew the Lord had sent me here from the very first day I set foot on campus and had an immense amount of peace like I had never had before. Now that I know i'm not coming back the Lord has allowed me to accept the fact and take in all that I can this semester while allowing the Lord to continue to work on my heart so I am ok to leave. If He wants me here He will provide like He so graciously has already but if the plan is to move on I need to trust Him with His perfect plan.

All that to say there have been many challenges this semester mentally, emotionally, and physically. What's new right? Ug. Physically the year started out with getting a cold which turned into bronchitis and trying to start classes in exhaustion, then I had been doing better and now i am in a lot of physical pain again but it helps me divert my mind to the pain instead of going every other direction. Mentally and emotionally things have happened, things are different, i feel like a mess. Man, the Lord sure knows how to grow a person! This week has been an off one for me but God is still good and He continues to teach me and grow me which I desire so much, especially now!

Well I need to go but i will hopefully write an encouraging blog post next and soon :) I'm still just trying to catch up! AH!